SAMANTHA ROZAL

This past summer in the ESP program, I have found myself thinking a lot about my mixed identity, specifically my Chinese and Filipino backgrounds and how they have shaped me as the Asian American woman that I am. Early on in the program, we were asked to write an “I am” poem, which was an activity that challenged each of us in the cohort to look deeply into our senses of self, and into the components that have shaped our identities.  When composing this poem, I got to the line “I taste ____” which (for the poem) was intended to be filled in. Almost immediately, I wrote, “I taste the food of two nations.” Although I was, and continue to be, well aware of the fact that I cannot simply tether the concept of my mixed ethnicity, or ethnicity in general to just food, it was a place for me to begin my journey, digging deeply into the culture of not just one, but both sides of my family.  

It was at dinner one night early this summer where, prompted in part by this newfound desire to look more into my mixed identity, along with an assignment for the ESP program, that I asked my parents for more information about their immigration stories. I knew the basics–my dad immigrated from the Philippines with his family when he was just 9 years old and my mom immigrated from Hong Kong when she was just 3 years old. But as I learned more and more about their stories, not only did I learn about my parents' lives, but I realized how similar their immigration journeys and their early experiences growing up were. 

In that moment of hearing their stories, I realized two things: Firstly, I realize how lucky I have been. Most of my life, I have grown up surrounded by a wonderful Asian American community that encouraged me to embrace all parts of my heritage. I’ve never fully asked my parents about their early experiences growing up in America. But hearing my parents talk about how they, as children, were not always given the opportunity to feel comfortable in their Asian American identity, makes me evermore grateful for the community and sense of belonging they ensured that I had growing up. Secondly, I realized that I have often thought of my Filipino ethnicity and my Chinese ethnicity as separate from one another. While this thought process has some merit, as there are significant cultural differences between the two, through hearing my parents stories, and noticing the intricate similarities between them, I’ve been led to not only realize that I should stop viewing them separately, but also that I have the opportunity to look at my culture through a different lens–a lens that celebrates how these two cultures are intertwined with one another.

In a similar way, this recognition of the interrelatedness of my Chinese and Filipino culture has also led me to a new path in my faith journey. Although I know that faith is a part of every aspect of my life, my faith is not necessarily something that I have inherently connected to my culture. But through the lessons I’ve learned through ESP, I can now see that my faith is more connected to my culture than I realized. One of my favorite passages in the bible is 1 Corinthians 12:27. It is about different body parts and how they come together to form one body. It’s one of my favorite passages because it reminds me of community and how everyone in a community is valued by God and that everyone has a purpose. But, through this experience in ESP, I’ve come to realize that it is also a representation of how God wants and loves all parts of us, not just the part of our lives that we mark as inherently religious. Going forward, I now plan to view my ethnic culture and my faith not as separate entities, but rather as parts of a whole body. 

Enamored by these lessons and with my poem in mind, I decided that for my final project for the ESP program I would cook a Chinese-Filipino fusion dish. Combining two of my family's household staples, I made chicken adobo fried rice. The recipe is included here, along with photos of a more artistic representation of both the dish itself (and of the lessons I've learned this past summer). In this art piece, I put some of the ingredients of this dish into two different mason jars. In the left mason jar, the ingredients for fried rice and chicken adobo are separated. This represents my old mindset, one where I separated my Chinese and Filipino ethnicity from one another. The mason jar on the right however, has all of the ingredients mixed together, much like how I strive to view my ethnicity from now on.

I’m well aware of the fact that fully embracing my ethnic identity is a journey that I am still on, especially as I grow older and begin to venture out beyond the community that I grew up in. As I find myself more often in situations that don’t necessarily encourage me to express my ethnic identity, I think it becomes increasingly important that I remember how lucky I am to have this foundation of grace and knowledge about my culture, both from experiences such as the ESP program and from my parents in their stories. It is my hope that in my narrative, I remain grateful for my culture and that I can play a part in making sure that others around me have the ability to do so as well.